Resentment Sucks
Resentment sucks!
Nico invited me to a holiday party with someone he met through work.
The night before he told me we need white elephant gifts, a pot luck item, and a holiday costume.
Nico and I both worked a full day the next day, which included me shoveling and wheelbarrowing 2.5 tons of rocks on my driveway.
I finished my work at 4:30pm and planned to leave around 6:00pm.
Nico and I live in our own tiny spaces, which is 2 min walk away from one another.
I started making the pot luck item and boxing up white elephant gifts. I thought to myself, “I hope Nico is coming over to help us get ready.” He didn’t show up so I kept getting ready including making our lunch for our work day the next day, wrapping the white elephant gifts, and finished making the pot luck meal and getting my costume ready. It turns out Nico did not help with us getting ready, except he drew a beautiful holly on one of the gifts.
How would you have felt about this?
I noticed an older version of my self would have felt resentful - and I celebrate that my now self feels celebratory and enlivened because we are in such an easeful flow of reciprocity, trust and clarity in our relationship!
What were the ingredients that allowed me to feel in total flow with Nico that night?
Trust - I trusted that Nico was taking care of himself and doing what he needed to do. I also trusted that if I called Nico to ask him to come help he would. We have so much trust in the flow of our generovity (generous reciprocity). For years we continue to show up and support one another. We rigorously give to one another from a Fuck Yes and we are so good at our No’s. We give to one another from a place of joy. When one of us has more gusto and energy we show up for the other. We trust in the ebb and flow of our capacities. After nearly 5 years we couldn’t tell you who has cleaned or cooked more because we are in such easeful flow.
Clarity - I was clear that we did NOT have an agreement of who would prep the meals or the white elephant gifts that night. Many couples have break down because they make assumptions or smuggle in expectations without ensuring they are on the same page.