I effed up, so I initiated The REPAIR Process with Nico.

I effed up, so I initiated The REPAIR Process with Nico.

Here Is the story

Nico and I were eating

Nico - “I need some napkins”

Me - “I will go find some”

As I began to walk away not knowing where to find them, I spotted them.
I heard Nico say two times in a row,

“they are over there”.

And for some strange reason I snapped back,

“I got it!”

I didn’t like the way I reacted so when I returned with the napkins I said, “I want a redo.”

* A “redo” is the last step in the REPAIR process that is apart of the RESTORE INTEGRITY step.

He looked confused and he said OK.

I started with the ACKNOWLEDGE step and said, “When you said two times ‘they are over there’ I snapped back.”

He replied, “I didn’t say they are over there and I didn’t hear you snap back.”

We both laughed because both of us had two very different experiences!

And, I still did my “redo” because I didn’t like how I responded within myself, even if he didn’t hear me. In this case the redo was for my internal experience.

You see, I am hard of hearing, and if Nico says something and I don’t respond, then he will say it again assuming I didn’t hear him. I actually have to acknowledge him if I don’t want to him to say something twice.

So I walked him through the “redo” as if he did say “they are over there” twice in a row. I visualized in my body calmness and said, “Cool! I am on it!”

This is how I retrain my nervous system so that in the future, when I experience something similar I am responding in the way that feel good for me and my partner.